Insane
by WeArePioneers
Summary: AU. Story adopted from MortalShadowhunter. Permanent disclaimer right here, because I ran out of ways to say "I don't own so-and-so."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Before anyone shoots me, I swear that I'm working on new chapters for Be Brave and Deadly Games and one of them at least is almost done. But then this... and I just couldn't not do it! I adopted this story from MortalShadowhunter and the first six chapters are written by her.**

* * *

Tessa cringes, digging her nails into her skin. Letting out a sharp scream of anger and pain, she buries her head into her pillow, trying to block out the unwelcome voices in her thoughts. Grabbing a book and throwing it in the direction of the girl, she shrinks away as the girl nears. Tessa is nearly pressed against the wall as she moves back, fear constricting her sense. "Get out of my head! Out."

 _Theresa._

"Get out!" Pressing her hands to her temples and rocking, Tessa lets out a cry as the voice grows louder.

 _Theresa._

"Get the hell away from me!"

"Tessie?" Her brother barrels into the room, his blond hair disheveled and unruly. Taking Tessa's hands from her face, he holds her face to his chest, rubbing her back. "It's not real. It's not real." His hands tighten on her back, patient as she chokes back fearful cries. "Did you take your medication today?"

"Not right now."

"Tessie."

"Not right now."

"Tessie, please." Carefully getting up, Nate crosses her room, pulling her pills from her drawer and unscrewing the cap. Pouring a few of the small, red, cylindrical things that the doctors promised would help her, Nate gives them to Tessa. "Tessa. You need to take them." She is still, just holding the pills in her hand and staring at them. Reluctantly, she raised her hand to her mouth, swallowing the pills.

"Please Nate. Go away or she's going to burn you." Tessa stares up at him, her mouth pressed together in a thin, red line. "She's going to burn you and she's going to hurt you."

Sitting down next to his sister, Nate puts his arm around her. "I'll be fine. We'll get you help. I promise."

 **~~ooo~~**

Red, burning rage as hot as lava eats away at Will, his blue eyes blazing. Slamming and locking the door to his room, Will paces, his breath coming out in staggering gasps. His chest is tight and it was on fire, but he paces and paces. Clenching his hands, he feels his nails cut into the palms of his hands and draw blood. Taking a pocket knife from his desk, he snaps it open, slamming it into the dry boards of his wall.

Trying to pull it out, he makes a series of stab marks, scratching off the paint and scraping away bits and pieces of dried foundation. His anger is still searing, but not as dominant as he came to his sense. A knock at the door sounds over the racket Will is making in his room. "Will! Open your door."

Will stays silent, drawing in his breath as he continues to let his nails score bloodied scratches against his skin. His sister fumbles at the lock on his door, the audible and recognizable sound of a bobby pin being wiggled in the lock, clicking it open. Backing away from her, Will narrows his eyes. "Can you just leave me alone? I don't need any of your advice or talks or your stupid, little-"

"Will. Can you just control it for once?" Cecily interrupts, raising her voice. She storms into the room, standing fearlessly in front of her brother. "You could have killed those two guys. I'm surprised you're stupid enough to fight. You know you'll win, but that doesn't satisfy you. Why do you always feel the need to show that you're better than they are?"

"They were giving me hell about our sister. What am I supposed to do?"

"Walk away!"

"That's weak. That's what you would do." Will snarls, his tone sharpening. "I don't care if they're hurt. They deserved it."

"You're sick."

"Weak."

"Impetuous."

"Bitch." Will instantly regrets his choice of words. Cecily jerks back as if she had been hit, blinking her eyes profusely. Moving to leave his room, Cecily holds up her hands.

"That's it. I can't take your episodes anymore. You're leaving."

 **~~ooo~~**

"I don't know."

"Well, do you want to come downstairs with us?"

"No."

"Will you at least talk about what's going on?"

"No."

"Listen, James." Charlotte murmurs, her eyes sympathetic. "You're upset and I know that, but this desolation, this loneliness that you have willingly put yourself into isn't natural. You have to come downstairs sometime." She puts her hand on his shoulder, but he shrugs it off, scooting back from her. Moving to take his violin from his hands, he pulls away quickly, his hands feverishly gripping his violin and bow.

"I don't want to talk right now." Jem whispers, positioning his violin under his throat. "I don't want to talk. I don't want to talk."

"I get it, but you're starting to worry me." Charlotte kneels beside him, trying to get him to make eye contact. He turns away from her, his head bowed down as he pulls his violin back to his chest, his fingers biting into the strings. "James, I don't want you to have to go away with the counselors. They're going to force you to go if you don't start taking to the new medication."

Jem shrugs, his expression indifferent. "Then let them come."

"You don't mean that-"

"I don't care." Jem says softly, shaking his head slowly. "I don't care what they do. They don't understand."

"Look, maybe I should let you go to the ward."

"Okay."

"Do you want to stay here?"

"Sure."

Charlotte sighs. "Where would you rather be?"

"I don't care."

Standing up, Charlotte takes her phone from her pocket, dialing a number. "I think you'll feel better if you go."

* * *

 **A/N: I didn't write this chapter or the next five to come. Like I said at the beginning of this story, the first six chapters are written by MortalShadowhunter. All the credit for this story goes to her. I only adopted this story. Go check out MortalShadowhunter's fanfics if you are a fan of the Infernal Devices. I love her fanfics - I swear, it's like she's Cassie herself!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay I did a little bit of editing on this one, but not much. I also changed it from past tense to present tense, because that's what I'm more familiar with writing.**

* * *

Holly hasn't visited today." Tessa announces as she climbs into the passenger seat.

Getting into the front seat of his car, Nate sticks his keys in, turning it on. Looking at her, he smiles warmly. "That's good. This new place is going to help you with your voices. They're going to help you recover." Backing out of the driveway, he catches Tessa's eye and offers another grin in her direction. "I'm going to miss you though."

"I'll miss you too." She says, clutching her bag in her hands.

"At least you have your books."

Looking down, she reaches inside her bag, pulling out an old book that she found at the back of her closet. "Yes. I'm excited to read this one again. It's one of my favorites. Holly doesn't like that book."

"Well, Holly isn't real so it doesn't matter."

Tessa frowns. "I know." Leaning her head against the window, she watches as the trees and people walking whipped behind them, lost in a blur of light. Dizziness pounds at her brain, a slight feeling of nausea settling sickly in her stomach. Sighing, she closes her eyes and takes a deep and slow breath. Car sickness is awful. Opening one eye to look at Nate, she licks her lips. "I'm worried about this new place."

"You'll be fine. Do you trust me?"

She nods. "Yes."

 **~~ooo~~**

"This place is going to be hell." Will comments, forcing his anger to fizzle out like a dying fire. "All the people here are going to damn me for life." Grabbing his arm, Cecily marches up to the front desk, taking the clipboard from the office manager and filling it out. Sitting down in one of the chairs, she scribbles away, focused on making Will seem as bad as possible. Unfortunately, due to Will's rare condition, the horrible things Cecily wrote about him were practically understatements.

"What are you doing?" Cecily asks, moving away from Will as he looks over her shoulder. "Can you stop, Will?"

"Anger problems, arrogance problems, problems with authority, problems when it comes to cooperation. Well, damn. Is there anything I don't have a problem with because apparently, according to how you're filling out the sheet, I have a problem with every. Single. God. Damned. Thing." Will remarks, smirking at her. "In the extra comments section, you put that I'm manipulative, arrogant, and demanding...Why all the compliments?"

"Shut up."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"Who's she?" Will inquires, a slight smile on his lips. He is staring at a girl with long brown hair and gray eyes, but his main focus is definitely not on her eyes. His gaze travels up and down her body, resting in a few particular areas before snapping to the items clutched in her hand. "She has _Lady Audley's Secret_. I like her already."

"Well, good for you."

"I know."

 **~~ooo~~**

Setting his violin down at the corner of the room, Jem looks around. It looks vaguely like the college dorms he had seen while surfing Google images, but not as cluttered. Glancing over at the other bed, Jem grimaces. They probably wouldn't let him dorm alone. As if echoing his thoughts, a boy bursts into the room, perhaps close to his age. He has rumpled black hair, curling at his neck and over his temples. His shirt is a dark blue color, almost identical to the hue of his eyes.

"James, right?" The boy asks loudly, staring at Jem. Widening his eyes, Jem stands frozen in the boy's presence, his heart pounding in his chest. Throwing his bags under his bed, the black haired boy sits down and grins. "Are you mute or something? I'm Will Herondale, but you can call me Handsome, Charming, Sexy or anything that floats your boat. I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. What 'bout you?"

"...I'm a Schizoid." Jem says at last, clasping his hands in front of him. _Stay calm, just get through it..._ "And yes, I am James."

"Ahh, you're one of the Schiz guys. No wonder you look like a frightened squirrel." Turning around, Will grabs a book from his bag, collapsing onto his bed and opening it to a random page. "These rooms don't have security camera's, you know. That means I could practically destroy the room and no one would know...But they have the emergency button by the door. That defeats the point."

Rubbing his hands together nervously, Jem sits down in a chair, picking his violin up and opening the case. His violin was his only source of comfort; that and the pills. They didn't help as well as he wanted them to, but with this new guy in the room, Jem considered asking for an increase in dosage. "If something goes wrong, then the emergency button would come in handy."

"It's a nuisance and it's ugly." Will comments, sitting back up. "My life is going to be so boring. Except, there was this new girl I saw come in into our part of the building. She's pretty hot and she has a good taste in books."

"...Okay?"

"Seriously? No reaction?"

"..."

"You're really out of balance, James. Do you ever talk about anything fun? At least say something."

Swallowing his nervous spit, Jem pulls his violin from his case, studying the flawless shine that engulfed it. Looking up, he almost smiles. "Jem. You can call me Jem."


	3. Chapter 3

"What is this part?" Tessa inquires, standing next to Jessamine, her room mate. Jessamine has PTSD, or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but since she has been there for well over a year, she is recovering just fine. Taking her arm, Jessamine pulls Tessa down the hallway, giving each room a label for Tessa.

"That is the rec room where we can pretty much just talk with other people. This is the garden area. Over here is where the people who are more severely affected by their disorder go to get help. Honestly, this place is pretty much just like a really safe college without school...except if you refuse to take your medication, it ends up with you strapped to a table and needles in your arms." Jessamine says, showing Tessa a small row of white scar dots on her arm. "I didn't listen my first month here. The ward people turn into complete and utter monsters."

"That sounds intimidating."

"I've just learned to go with the flow. I'm so happy I finally get another girl companion with me." Jessamine chirps, grinning at her. Leading her to the garden area, Jessamine sighs happily. "I can finally vent about all the cute boys on campus without Sophie looking at me like a total-"

"Sophie?"

"Oh. Her." Jessamine frowns, looking at a girl in the distance that has a long scar down her cheek. "She has PTSD like me, but I think she suffers more from jealousy problems. She was my old roommate. Anyway, I've always wanted to get someone who wanted to talk about actual girl stuff, not just like sowing and how her life before here was crap."

Tessa yelps as Jessamine pulls her onto a bench, probably leaving a small bruise on her tailbone. Smiling helplessly, Tessa pulls her knees to her chest. "It's not as bad as I thought it would be here."

"No, but when I'm eighteen, I'm moving out and going to America. My family was rich, so I get the money."

"Ohh...That's good but...I'm sorry about your parents."

"Don't be." Standing up suddenly, Jessamine grabs her arm. "Come on. We have so much more to look at."

 **~~ooo~~**

Waiting for his pills to kick in, Jem sits his room, ignoring the fact that he is bored out of his mind. His violin was relaxing to play for a little while, but playing it for four hours straight has made even Jem sick of it. With a boost of confidence, Jem stands, walking over to the door and opening it. But with a boost of fear and self consciousness, he closes it again and backs up.

"Come on, Jem." Will pokes his head inside, reaching in and forcing Jem to go out. The change in atmosphere is almost dizzying, his mind racing to catch up with everything happening around him. He is so glad he had asked the nurses for an increased dosage of pills. Wrapping his fingers around Jem's wrist, Will walks down the hall, chattering about all sorts of things that Jem really doesn't have much interest in. "So today I was reading and I couldn't help but think that...Then I told myself that I probably shouldn't because...Maybe like five or six different girls my sophomore year...so, are you up to that?"

"What?" Jem asks, having only heard bits and pieces of Will's sentences.

"You weren't listening, were you?"

"It's overwhelming."

"You just took your meds. You're going to be absolutely fine. No one is going to murder you and no one is going to take your violin." Will mutters, his smile morphing into a scowl. "You're the most boring roommate ever. Come on, lets go visit the rec room."

 **~~ooo~~**

She is there again, Will notes, staring at the brown haired girl. And she is with the blondie. God, he can feel that he already hates her and her prissy little blond pigtails. She isn't bad looking though... Pushing his hair behind his ear, Will walks up between them, putting his arms over both their shoulders and grins. "You're new, you're not."

"Oh. You're the new guy." The blond says, lifting her nose in the air arrogantly. "I've heard things about you."

"You have? Then you know how absolutely charming I am."

"Creepy bastard. Can you just, like, leave?"

"Feisty." Will smirks, leaning his mouth close to her ear. "I like them feisty."

"Gross." The blond says, shrinking away from him.

"I can't help it. I'm a narcissistic guy." Will shrugs, pulling her back. "According to my sister, narcissists are arrogant, manipulative, and demanding. What she missed is that they tend to be handsome, though I think that just applies to me, charming, also another quality specific to me, and very...persuasive. That falls somewhat under manipulative though, doesn't it?"

"You talk a lot." The brown haired girl says, looking up at him. Her voice holds an American accent.

"I saw you yesterday. You were hold _Lady Audley's Secre_ t. That one is a passable book, though I prefer Charles Dickens and Wilkie Collins."

Tessa smiles. "Those are my favorite authors."

"Really? _'I wish you to know that you have been the last dream of my soul.'_ "

" _A Tale of Two Cities_." Tessa says quickly, her gray eyes glittering. She pulls away from him slightly, studying his face. "That was too easy. ' _Your tears come easy, when you're young, and beginning the world-'_ "

" _'Your tears come easy, when you're old, and leaving it.'_ " Will finishes with a triumphant expression. " _The Moonstone_. You though mine was easy? That one was below beginner. Let's see... _'The books - the generous friends who met me without suspicion - the merciful masters who never used me ill!'_ "

" _Armadale_."

"Hmm. Your knowledge of books is passable."

"I like to think of books as more of an obsession." Tessa blushes, her cheeks reddening slightly. Holding her hand out, she smiles. "I haven't introduced myself properly. I'm Tessa. Tessa Gray."

Taking her hand, Will shakes it, staring at her eyes this time. They were lovely. Of course, not as lovely as his, but hers were...passable. "I'm William Herondale. Pleasure to make your acquaintance."


	4. Chapter 4

"Goodnight." Tessa murmurs, slipping tiredly into her bed. Jessamine mumbles something sleepily into her pillow, already almost passed out from exhaustion. Closing her eyes, Tessa tries to let herself fall asleep, but no matter how tired she seems to be, being at the ward for a week hasn't changed her picky sleeping habits. It is always hot or always cold and it just didn't feel right.

 _Theresa. Did you miss me?_

Sucking in a sharp breath, Tessa pulls the covers to her bed over her head, her hands shaking. "Go away." She whispers furiously, trying to not wake Jessamine. Peeking out, she sees Holly on the other side of the room, staring maliciously at her. "Go away."

 _Theresa. Did you miss me?_

"Please, please, please just leave me alone." Tessa blinks, jumping when a pair of semi translucent eyes stare into hers. Holly grins, pressing her hand against Tessa's throat so hard, she swears it is real. "Not today. Just leave me alone."

 _You're useless and you're a freak._ Holly snarls, her face close to Tessa's. The voices and murmurs in Tessa's thoughts overpower her own, drowning out all sense of safety and stability. Quivering, Tessa stares up at Holly, her heart racing. _The others here know you're a freak. They know you're crazy. They know you hear the voices. Now, say you missed me, Theresa darling._

"Jessamine..." Tessa calls out softly, her breath caught in her throat. "Jessamine!"

"What?" Jessamine groans, rolling over. Holly vanishes. Opening one eye, Jessamine squints at her in the darkness. "What is it? You've been talking in your sleep, you know."

"...Never mind." Tessa says, trying to keep the fear from her voice. "It was nothing."

 **~~ooo~~**

Jem downs his pills with his water, vowing to himself that today, he will go to the music room. Maybe he can play his violin there in peace. Grabbing his violin case, he opens the door, making his way down the stark, white hallway. Arriving to the music room, he opens it, keeping his head down so no one would strike up a conversation with him. He takes the violin out of its case and sees it down on the floor, placing his bow carefully on the strings.

"It's a fancy seeing you here." A voice says just as he is about to play. Jem jumps, causing the bow to slip and shudder across the strings and produce a very loud, very offensive screech. Looking up, Jem sighes. Why is it that almost everywhere he goes, that particular boy is always there? Will smirks, raising an eyebrow. "How are you liking the view from there?" He says, gesturing to himself.

Turning away, Jem grimaces, not knowing what to say. "I didn't know you played piano."

"I play a bit. I mostly do guitar."

Jem smiles inwardly. "Liar."

"What?"

"You look much more comfortable on a piano than you do a guitar. You look like a pianist." Jem surprises himself with his bold remark. He looks over his shoulder and gives Will an honest and nonjudgmental stare. "Music just so happens to be my forte."

"Yeah. You would have thought that hearing you play almost every damned hour of my life would have indicated to me that you liked music." Will snorts, placing his hands on the piano keys. _He plays well_ , Jem commends Will mentally, listening to Will as his fingers move across the keys. _But it sounds empty._ Closing his eyes and listening to the melody, Jem lets his bow slide across the recently rosined strings. Though it is a spontaneous violinist accompaniment on Jem's part, it comes naturally to him as he listens closer to the dialogue, giving the piano a story.

It is one of the few times Will is silent, his blue eyes studying the keys in concentration as the cords resonate through the piano and into the room. He becomes vaguely aware that Jem has joined him on the violin; it sounds almost practiced. It is true that he played guitar, but it is also true what Jem had said about his first and better instrument being the piano.

Jem stops playing suddenly, his violin still pressed into his throat. Looking up at Jem, Will lifts his hands from the keys, confused. "Why did you stop?"

"You didn't need me anymore. It wasn't empty." Jem's mouth curves up into a bow, his eyes light. "You're talented."

"I know." Will says instinctively before catching himself. He turns to Jem, a genuine smile starting to form on his face. "Thank you."

"That was very pretty." Tessa says happily, walking into the room. She sits down in an empty chair near them, crossing her legs and pulling them up. "Do you come here often?"

"I don't really...but I should." Will gives Tessa a sideways glance, grinning. "After all, _'If music be the food of love, play on.'_ "

" _Twelfth Night_ , by Shakespeare. Are we really going to do this again?"

"We could."

She glances in amusement at Will for a brief moment, then turns to Jem with a friendly smile. "That was beautiful. Do you play often?"

Jem flushes. He isn't sure why but there is something about her..."Yes. I'm sure Will knows that quite well."

"How long have you been practicing that?"

Closing the fall board on the piano, Will shrugs. "A week or so."

"Just today." Jem says shyly.

"Today?" Tessa asks, impressed. "Are you serious?"

"I assure you it was all improvisational." Jem murmurs, lowering his violin to his side.

"That was brilliant." Glancing at her watch, Tessa stands up, grimacing. "I have to go. Jessamine wants to show me something. I have no idea what it could be. She's quite crazy. _'What you are to do without me I cannot imagine.'_ "

"I see what you did there!" Will calls out after her as she left. "George Bernard Shaw, _Pygmalion_!"


	5. Chapter 5

Will pulls a shirt over his head and edges it over the belt of his jeans. Smoothing his hair back, he tilts his head up, admiring his reflection. _Damn. I'm pretty hot._ Giving himself a smirk, Will grabs his iPod and sticks it into his pocket. At first, it sucked not being able to have a phone, have access to one, or even email on the internet. Cutting off all connection with others is part of the ward facility rules, making it so family members can't influence the patients. At least they can still have iPods for entertainment purposes.

A nurse stands at the door, holding a small tray with a collection of pills and a glass of water. Scowling, Will takes them in his palm, despising the way the nurse stares at him to make sure he will take them. His first night at the ward, he held them in his cheek until they tasted too bitter to swallow; resulting in straps, ties and a bed which would have made Will giddy in a completely different situation. Unfortunately for him, this kind of tie meant he couldn't move until he was injected with a tranquilizer and a liquid, more potent, version of the pills.

Popping them into his mouth and taking a swig of water, Will swallows, grimacing at the bitter and acidic taste. The nurse takes the glass, setting it down on the tray and leaving the room. Turning around, Will smacks his shin against the seat of a chair. Wincing, he rubs his shin, a small, red bruise forming on his skin. As he moves to stand up again, he runs into something hard.

 _Well, life is shit sometimes._

"Dammit." Will swears, rubbing his head. He looks up, seeing Jem staring wide-eyed down at him with his violin case gripped in his hands. "It seems as if every single God damned place I move, there's something there that just wants me to get hurt. What did I ever do to the violin case?"

"Are you alright?" Jem asks, setting his case down. "I was just walking and you stood up. If I had known you were getting up, I would have made sure I wasn't in your way. What were you doing anyway?"

"I think that's the longest string of words I've ever heard you say." Will remarks, standing up. "I was just rubbing my chin when you came in and I stood up. Dear me. I think some brain cells have just died."

"Were you going out?"

"Yes."

Jem smiles crookedly. "I think that's the shortest string of words I've ever heard you say."

"The world is full of miracles."

 **~~ooo~~**

" _'Placed between those two cruel alternatives, which could I choose? Think of your own frailties; and have some mercy on mine.'_ "

" _The Law and the Lady. 'When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.'_ "

"Err..." Will hesitates, confused. "I've never heard that one."

" _Twilight_."

"That's cheating."

"Exactly." Tessa laughs, grinning slightly. "I didn't think you would have read that book. It's not very good at all. Much too cheesy and romantic and supernatural. It's too unrealistic. Vampires and werewolves aren't real."

" _A Tale of Two Cities_ is a dreadfully romantic and cheesy novel as well." Will points out, raising an eyebrow. "Though, I admit, the ending is quite...what would Lucie say? Devastating, perhaps. Frightfully grievous." Taking one of the books from Tessa's bag, he flips through the pages. This, too, is a book he has never read though it looks boring and melodramatic. " _The Little Prince_? I've never heard of this book. What is it about?"

"Oh, it's an absolutely wonderful book!" Tessa cries, clasping her hands in front of her. "It's all about perspective, imagination and a little boy and fox and roses. It's a beautiful story that deserves more attention than it gets. Though it is a children's book, it is one of my favorites."

"Are there any battles or any fighting?"

"Well, no..."

"Then what is the point of reading it?"

" _The Law and the Lady_ hardly has any fighting at all and you've read it."

"But it has mystery and sleuths roaming about. There are dark secrets and pasts that you have to uncover, but this...this is just a children's book." Will remarks, holding up _The Little Prince_. "It can't possibly be a good book without excitement."

"You should read it." Tessa says anyway, tossing one of her books on the bed. "And then, if you still don't like it, at least you can say that you've read it."

"Hmmph. Very well." Will agrees, setting the book down on his lap. The door opens and Jessamine sashays through it over to Tessa.

"I was thinking, if you wanted to we could-" She notices Will, putting her hands on her hips and sticking her nose pompously into the air. Scowling, she scoffs. "Tessa, what is that thing doing in here?"

"Ah," Will smirks, tipping an imaginary hat. "It's lovely to see you too."

"Jessamine..." Tessa says carefully, her eyes guarded. "You've seen Will. Will, I've told you about Jessamine." Standing up, she turns to Jessamine, forcing a smile. "He was just visiting. We were talking about books but he was going to leave now." Tessa shoots him a pleading glance. Sighing, Will grabs the book, moving towards the door and opening it.

"You might want to mention you want me to leave next time before your roommate comes in so I get a heads up." Will shrugs, a smug expression on his face. "Just a thought." He adds before slipping outside.

As Will shuts the door behind him, Tessa feels herself blush.

 **~~ooo~~**

A children's book shouldn't be interesting. Well, not to anyone but children, at least. But as Will reads _The Little Prince_ that night, he can't help but think that it _is_ interesting.

"It would be better with a few sword fights and battles," Will murmurs to himself as he flips the page, "but it _is_ a good book."

When he returns the book to Tessa, he admits that he enjoyed reading it. And Tessa's face lights up with a sunrise smile that makes Will smile as well.


	6. Chapter 6

Jem takes a ragged breath, staring at the amount of people in the hall. His heart is fluttering fast and he is breathing hard, the whirlwind of things happening around him like he's submerged in the raging waves. Glancing to the side, he brings one hand up to his face in agitation and anxiety, digging his nails into his cheek and scratching down, surely leaving red marks. It is all too much.

The sounds.

The sights.

The people moving around.

The voices ringing down the hall.

 _Everything._

Slipping back into the room, he slams the door shut, where he can be in his little case of indifference. It's easy being inside the room. He doesn't have to worry about talking to people. He doesn't have to worry about feeling the strange emotion in his thoughts called fear and contentment, whatever those things feel like, and he doesn't have to worry about being mocked for his condition. He and Will have both been given more of their meds lately, though Will insists they are fine. Jem didn't really say anything as he hadn't had an opinion, but his indifference just reprimanded Will's claim.

Instead, he takes his violin, tightening the peg on the bow drawing rosin from the case. It is an instinctive process by now and he finishes it in less than a minute. Setting the violin at his throat, he places the bow delicately across the strings, pressing his eyes closed and drawing out a long, whining array of notes. They are very pretty, Jem admits, though his skills are little compared to his fathers.

Letting soulful notes pour from his violin, he finds himself pushing away the indifference and seeing the colors map across his mind. And, for a split second, he almost thinks it might have been feeling. He has always struggled with finding the emotion in things and understanding why people get so excited and so frustrated over such small things. People call him boring, rude, hard to understand, and distant, but he doesn't really care, not when he has his violin. It isn't like there is a handbook to life he can follow and, whenever he tries to make some sort of effort to understand why someone is so sad about someone dying or someone misplacing their special possession, he just can't comprehend it.

 _Everyone loses things. It's part of life so why be so sad about it?_ Jem has always wondered, though he has never asked someone because he hasn't really cared what the answer is.

"Good God! As talented as I admit you are on the violin, you play is every. Single. Fricking. Day." Will groans, rolling over underneath his covers. Jem doesn't hear him, and he continues to play absentmindedly with his thoughts toying in his head until something hard hits him in his side. Yelping, Jem jumps back, his eyes impossibly wide and staring at Will.

"What?" Jem asks, looking at Will in surprise.

Rolling off his bed, Will reaches for his iPod that he had thrown at Jem, picking it up between his fingertips. "It's too loud. I'm losing brain cells."

"It's not that horrible...is it?" Jem asks, suddenly self conscious.

"No. It's pretty good." Will says coolly, which is a massive compliment coming from him, "But you're just playing like 24/7 and it's starting to get on my nerves." He wipes his iPod off, flipping through it with mild interest. "Oh, by the way, Tessa's coming over to our room tonight because I convinced a Lightworm to sneak in a six pack of beer. You want to know how?"

Jem is staring blankly at Will, his mouth slightly ajar. "I don't drink."

"More for me." Will grins, holding up the drinks. "So, since he's dating my sister, which is just absolutely ridiculous, I told him that I would tell Cecily that I made him eat a worm in fifth grade if he didn't sneak it in." Flopping down backwards on his bed, Will laughs. "The little bugger scurried off to get my stuff. At least he's good for something."

Looking at Will, Jem sighs, smiling slightly and shaking his head. "Horrible as always, William."

 **~~ooo~~**

"Knock, knock, Tessa." Will calls, tapping his knuckle against the door. Growing impatient, he puts his hand on the doorknob, moving to twist it open. "I'm coming in."

Tessa has hardly started protesting when he swings the door open, revealing her in only her undergarments with a towel over her shoulders. With a shriek, she dives into her bed, wrapping herself in the covers with a very embarrassed look on her face. "William Herondale!"

"Sorry, dearie." Will flashes her a smirk, raising an eyebrow and shutting the door behind him. "It's not my fault you didn't lock the door."

"You don't just go barging into people's rooms!"

"Why not?"

"Because they could be wrapping a present or currently unclothed!"

Will looks at her with confusion. "Aren't those the same thing?"

"William Herondale, turn around this instant!" Tessa cries, trying to cover fits of hysterical and embarrassed giggles. "Or I'm not going over to your place."

Instantly, Will turns around. He really does like this Tessa girl and, if it means he has to not look at her while she's undressed for her to come over, he will do so. Leaning his forehead against the wall, Will clicks his tongue in impatience. "Are you done changing yet?"

"No!" Tessa says sharply, her voice strained as she struggles to pull on a pair of jeans.

"You're taking too long." Will complains, earning a smack with a pillow to the back of his head. He turns around, leaning nonchalantly at the door and raising an eyebrow at her as she holds a pillow in one hand and desperately tried to button her shirt with the other. "Dear me. Do all girls take this long to dress or is it just you? Then again, unlike some, you don't just wear tatters of clothing that conceal all the goods."

"Pardon me?" Tessa sputters, her face red.

"Never mind." Will sighs, taking her arm. "Shall we depart to our romantic room of A41?"

"We shall." Tessa says dramatically before freezing. "But it's not a very romantic room."

"Who needs romantic," Will says as he opens the door, "when you have me?"


End file.
